On Sunday morning May 22, 2016 our bedroom suddenly became ICU (Intensive Care Unit) for me, Peter. We had just said good-bye to Johnny Foote, a prophetic voice for Jesus. He had stayed with us for a few nights while ministering to the Body of Christ in Pagosa Springs. I climbed back into bed after he left and Rebekah continued reading to me out of “The Final Quest” by Rick Joyner. I started to get drowsy and decided I needed a little more sleep. I asked Rebekah not to call me to the phone should anyone call or wake me up if someone came to the door. I felt poured out and fragile. Maybe a few more hours of sleep was all I needed to be just fine.
I was not just fine. I was unable to go to sleep. Suddenly it seemed as if every bit of life had drained out of me. I felt like a living corpse dangling between heaven and hell. I was all poured out and very fragile. The fear of breaking into a thousand pieces gripped me. A similar experience, but not as life-threatening overwhelmed me in 2005. This might be a good time to reread: Peter, you don’t have to be strong all the time penned eleven years earlier.
Every attempt to hide in the bosom of a renewing sleep eluded me. I made endless trips between the bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. I pictured the most loving and safe friends sitting on the edge of the bed holding my hand. I hugged a teddy bear a friend had given us. I placed the comforting words spoken to my heart in 2005 by my side. I held on to the Lion of Judah medallion hoping for strength to flow back into me; but sleep continued to elude me. The thought of any kind of medication was as far removed as the man on the moon. In fact, I had learned to distrust most everything that was available at a pharmacy. I will not allow myself to be sacrificed or bewitched on the altar of the pharmaceutical giants. The thought of calling anyone and hearing the comforting voice of a friend was equally remote. I rarely made use of the phone when I was hurting but tried to press into the Throne Room of God to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment directly. When I hurt I seldom advertise it until I am strong again. Many people just don’t know what to do with a fragile and hurting person, what to say or how to pray. Unless we have been in their shoes, we actually feel awkward in their presence. A hurting person does not want advice; that’s for sure. They need to be loved and left alone with Jesus.
Hours went by. I became more desperate. Letting go did not seem to be an option. It was not in my nature. I had a wife and others who needed me. With every ounce of strength within me I held on to the hand and name of Jesus, the name that is above all other names. Silently I repeated His name over and over again. Finally these words touched my spirit, “Peter, if you want to keep on living, you have to keep on giving.” For me “giving” implies being the Lord’s scribe and storyteller and offering hospitality to those God brings to our door. I pondered those words and silently vowed to continue to pour out my life for and in Jesus’ name.
More time elapsed. I felt a little stronger but still could not go to sleep. Then suddenly I was reminded of a pages in the book “The Priestly Bride” by Anna Rountree. We had read and reread the book many times. It was sitting on Rebekah’s nightstand. I knew where I could find the heavily underlined pages titled “The Suffering Christ.” I got the book and started to read:
The Suffering Christ (pages 51 & 52)
When halfway to the tree, the Lord materialized before my eyes. He stood before me beaten, bruised, His garments stuck to His wounds that were still open, gouges in His skull, swollen fingers, and swollen face.
I cried out in alarm. I did not know what to do or how to help. I was in shock. I sank to my knees, for all the strength left me. My hands covered my face.
“Anna,” He said, “this is your Husband, too. I still bear wounds from the faithless in the world.”
I could not look at Him.
“It is all right, Anna,” He said. “It is all right.” He took both of my hands into His and helped me to rise. “Look at Me, Anna,” He continued. He had changed and now looked as I usually see Him. “I am both—what you see and what you saw. You need to know that you are marrying into both, one but both.”
“I do not know what to say,” I whispered.
“Say nothing,” He said. “What is there to say? But you need to know Me as both so that you do not wed blindly.”
“What does this mean?” I asked.
“Those who are one share all,” He said. “You wish to drink deeply, to share fully, to know even as you are known. This too is part of the knowing, the sharing, the being one. There are not many who turn from their own interests to seek the interests of God. But those who are called and chosen to live in God desire to share the sufferings of the Godhead.”
It was as though I was struck dumb.
He continued, “I realize that you are in shock. Therefore I will not ask you now if you are willing to share My sufferings, My sorrows.”
“Lord,” I said, trying to face the reality of what I had seen, “make me willing. I want to be one with You. I would deny You nothing, nor would I turn away from You because there are sorrows to bear—as long as we are together.”
“Do you mean this?” He asked.
“Yes, Lord,” I said.
I silently pondered the words I had read. I knew they were also intended for me. Within my heart I said, “Yes Lord, I am willing to share in your suffering, your humiliation, your rejection. I am willing to be one with you in whatever is both hard and happy, sorrowful and glorious, but I need your help to endure the pain and rejection you endured and still do from faithless scoffers.”
And as I made that vow, my whole being started to relax. The fear of losing my mind faded into nothingness and I drifted into a dreamless world. When I awoke several hours later I was at peace but still very weak. For a while I kept visitors and phone calls at a distance. Gradually I regained my strength and began to share with others what had happened. Every time I did, the Holy Spirit enlarged my understanding and renewed my strength. Yes, Father/God asks all of us to unite ourselves with both the victimized and the victorious life of his Son Jesus. Now I know and am bonded with Jesus as both victim and victor. Until we are willing to experience Jesus’ pain, we will never be fully united with Him. Many years ago I said “Yes” to Jesus and “Yes” to my handmaiden Rebekah. I did not realize at that time that those vows implied “For better or for worth.” Now I do.
Yes, the battle was fierce. Satan and the world will tempt us to reach for a sleeping pill, a tranquilizer, a drink, a cigarette, the remote control for the TV, the phone, even a gun when our life and sanity hangs in the balance. If we do, we are settling for second best remedies. We are trapped by the world’s propaganda. We will be catering to our soulish, insatiable appetites and have succumbed to those quick fixes. The devil made sure that one cigarette, one drink and one pill would never be enough! He does not want to heal or help us; he wants to own, control and exploit us. Satan tempted Jesus with these words, “If thou art the Son of God, turn these stones into bread.” Jesus passed the test when He used the Word as his weapon of warfare. He replied, “It is written that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every Word of God.”
We are in a war, a big one. War and drugs and entertainment have become big business. Satan has taken many hostages. They are languishing in prisons of addiction, deception, depression, fear, anger, boredom, lust, etc. Leaders of governments, industrial empires and churches have also been taken hostage, but are seldom aware of it. He tempted and deceived Adam and Eve in the Garden. He tempted Jesus in the desert and ultimately crucified Him; but that was Satan’s undoing. Death and the grave could not hold Jesus. Satan shoots himself in the foot every time he messes with anyone who is one with Jesus. Those who are one with Jesus have WON and are forever SAFE! They have more than just survived. They are a part of God’s victorious end-time army.
Rejoice with me, dear reader, Peter is out of the woods. The Word, his pen, his heavenly prayer language, his testimony and the Blood of the Lamb are his weapons of warfare. His enemies are not flesh and blood and Jesus is his Commander-in-Chief. It can’t get much better than that! Explorers need to explore. Inventors need to invent. Designers need to design. Builders need to build. Gardeners need to garden, and warriors are bored without wars. Peter is not bored. Yes, Satan tried to kill Peter by driving him over the edge. He overplayed his hand. Why is Peter alive and well and strong today? Peter called upon the name that is above all other names, the name of JESUS. Peter did not settle for second best. Peter is living and giving and filled up again!
Here are the links to stories this scribe and storyteller has penned and posted on the www.stretcherbearers.com web site in 2016. Until Jesus takes him home, he will scribe more stories. Scribing for Jesus is Peter’s sandbox. Jesus is Peter’s audience and editor. If you would like to be a part of Peter’s audience, let him know. If you prefer not to be a part of his audience, also let him know.
The Lion Roars
In Memory of Stacy – May 16
An Ocean of Tears – May 7
Welcome Home – April 9
Story of Telemachus, The March 30
Footprints in Wood – March 16
Fullness of Time, The – March 6
Cedar Log, The – January 2
Peter loves being the Lord’s scribe and storyteller. He can’t imagine doing anything else, at least not at the moment.
Here are a number of “God-breathed replies to “All Poured Out.”
(the first reply, June 9, 2016)
Thank you for being transparent and sharing your weaknesses. I have been battling an illness the last week because I poured myself out. I need lots of peace and quiet. Occasionally (or often) I take a day to sleep or rest quietly.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you.
Father, I ask that you will continue to touch Peter with your healing, with your anointing, with your purpose, with your words, with your fire. I thank you for placing both the lamb and the lion in him, so he can accomplish all you have ordained.
Peter is ordained by you and not man. His calling is holy, eagerly sought by many, and a threat to others . You have been the wheels beneath him and the power inside, the fuel that has sustained him, and the map to guide his way.
I trust you Father, with precious Peter. He is all that you called him to be and do. Light the lamp in his soul when people's needs snuff it out . Peter is a sensitive soul. Other's needs can overburden him, their lack can drain him. People can be like a hungry baby, demanding he feed them now. Sometimes desperate people cling to him instead of You. Give him rest when he needs it, strength when the situation demands it, comfort in times of stress.
Peace in the name of Jesus, Amen
Oh my friend Peter!!!
These writings continue to touch into my deepest soul level. I UNDERSTAND what you are saying…for years I did not understand the rejection, isolation, and suffering mentally and physically. Now I DO…even in any outside contact…we carry JESUS into their arenas because HE indwells these bodies…HE overcomes the attacks.
It is ALL for His glory to go forth. It is QUITE ok to rest a while!!! This is what He did Himself…went into the mountains to rest and restore strength while talking to Abba Father. And we are so thankful HE said to the disciples…”Tarry and Wait for the Holy Spirit to come!” What a GIFT HE is!!!
We are so glad you are renewed in strength and are ready for battle again! You both are NEEDED in this world…your WORDS are needed!
I cherish my medallion and it is very comforting to feel the weight of it on my chest…it reminds me my LORD is the LION OF JUDAH! HE is the OVERCOMERS! And then the gentle St Francis on the other side…that is so much my nature…we are surrounded by animals of all kinds…the LORD sent them to us. Each have a story.
Recently in a tiny store on the side of the road, I ran into new art by an engineer who had taken up painting….he paints SHEEP…it is quite beautiful to have these sheep’s faces looking at me daily…they are happy sheep! We too are Happy Sheep!!! Our Shepherd is always with us, tending his flock, even the ones who wander…come back come back and He will tenderly bind up our wounds. Oh what a Savior!!!
Bill and I love you both deeply and Eternally!!!!! What a mighty Warrior TEAM you two are!!!
Betty and Bill Holden
Hello my dear sweet friend.
The Lord continues to bond me with you. Even though we have never met, your words have been like the Lord Himself speaking to me. It has to be God! Your words and experiences touch me and minister to me. Some of your words seem to jump right off the page. It has to be God!
I have been speaking the Name above all names over you. I have been proclaiming the Blood of Jesus over you. You ARE victorious!!! The Lion of the tribe of Judah has overcome!!!
This warrior (me) is a child. I am asking for your prayers of victory over me. The past few days have brought some challenges to me. I feel like it is a part of my knowing God. I have been forced to ask myself "Do you really want to know God? Do you really mean it when you say that you want to know Him? Are you willing to know Him in the 'fellowship of His sufferings?'"
In one of your writings, you said something to the effect that you were glad that you had gone through the things you had gone through but wouldn't really want to go through them again. I understand that so well! This warrior is a child! WE OVERCOME BY THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB AND THE WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY!
I love you, my brother. You are very special to me. I speak the Name of Jesus over you and proclaim the Blood of Jesus over you. To God be the glory. Great things he has done!!!
(From South Africa)
Grace to you!
Thank you for your letter. And bless you for the spirit of encouragement to all who will read it at a time they might feel weary and heavy laden, for inside your story the words of the One who said, “Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest” ring out.
Oh the name of Jesus! One can probably never really put into words the fullness of one’s experiences of the power of that name. I can tell of the night I woke up with the physical feeling of something curling around my body – as if a huge python had me in its grip. I could only utter the name, “Jesus”, and immediately the coils released. At the same time our Great Dane dog let out a terrible howl. Yes, I can tell the story, but the physical and spiritual experience was for me alone. And so I can only imagine the wonders of the times you have felt that special touch.
I love your simple pictures that illustrate or open the gate to your stories. This time it is the pitcher pouring out the water in the way you have vowed to continue pouring out your life for Him in the form of your stories. May His supernatural presence touch all who will read them, for now and for many years after you and I are no longer part of the earthly realm.
It is good to hear that Peter is living and giving and filled up again!
May Abba bless you and Rebekah with strength and good health in going forward.
This was an overwhelming story....and praise Jesus for bringing you through the battle into His victory and rest! He has so much more for both of you...
During the difficult last year the Lord has brought me through, He has been presenting to me some of the very same ideas you mentioned...but He has used the words of a Victorian woman, Lilias Trotter (who reminds me of you, Rebekah!), along with His word to put them before me!
As I read your story, I was reminded of this beautiful piece of art by Lilias who wrote "I am ready to be offered" and then attached a quote from Ugo Basso, a 19th Century monk of the St. Barnabas Order.:
I believe these words will resonate with your soul, dear Peter, as you live them!
Much love, and every blessing to you both....Gayle
P.S. In case you would want to check them out, here are the two little books in color, online:
Parables of the Cross
Parables of the Christ-life
(a hand-written letter)
June 19, 2016
Dear Peter and Rebekah
Thank you, Peter, for sending me the first printed copy of “All Poured Out.” In all the years I have known you, I have been amazed at your willingness to share your weaknesses and struggles. So many of those you write to are struggling terribly and your words so often give validation to their failings. We are much like David in that dark pit, yet know God is going to pull us up in His time.
Over twenty years ago I did extensive study of the energy centers in our bodies and the balance that is so important. The teacher explained that 85 to 90% of people maintain their energy field by interacting with other people. I recognize myself in the minority who must withdraw and go within to recharge. Most people we engage with take our energy, energy vampires to us if you will. I in no way mean that unkindly.
As I recognize the person God has put before me this day, usually in person, sometimes on the phone, when God’s purpose for me there is complete, I am drained. My energy field is not as strong as it was a few years ago. (Working on that!), What luxury have I to take all the time I need to withdraw and be with Jesus.
You do pour yourself out completely, Peter, for extended hours and days. I see how that can collapse you.
It is so true that few know how to minister to fragile people. God has blessed me to see pain, emotional and physical, and to give understanding and support. People in grief need special handling. Some people say the most stupid things to them.
Yes, you are protected! I had a powerful vision in which I saw a force of soldiers, God’s Warriors, all around your home and shoulder to shoulder around the lake! Wow!
God’s blessings all over you. I love you.
PS: Thanks for reminding me that the battle is in the unseen world. It is easy to get off track looking at the physical realm.
Thank you for sharing your (costly) gift. Your vulnerability and testimony inspires. Powerful words.
I love how you keep saying, "yes"!
Much love from us to you.
Dear Peter and Rebekah,
I am sorry I haven't replied lately. Have been in a little world of just seeking Jesus and praising Him.
I have decided that I must have Him at any cost. The telephone doesn't mean as much or anything else I must have Jesus. One thing I have discovered is I am like you I love people and I find that a lot of them are time wasters. They dump on you and don't seek for the Lord. I cannot chase them anymore. The Lord truly is remaking me. I am not where I need to be, but slowly I am seeking Him more and more.
I believe we have to be ready for what is coming on this earth. It does not look good, unless we all repent and seek His face.
Yes, please keep me on your list. At times there is nothing to say, then I don't reply. I appreciate your stories. Yes, Peter, the enemy wants to destroy the old saints. They know how to pray and touch heaven. Keep looking up and see what will happen for the better.
Love to both,
I read your Poured Out email a week or so ago, and have really wanted to respond with how special it was. However, I just don't seem to have the right words to fully convey how I felt in reading it.
To some extent, it reminded me of when we first met. Do you remember in the spring of 1983 that I was staying at the San Juan Motel, and you spontaneously handed me your unpublished Wood Blossom draft? I stayed up all night reading it because I knew the Lord was at work in a special way; and as a counselor, I was also aware that that book was way beyond what those of us "working" in the field of psychology could truly comprehend.
Now, much older and hopefully at least a little wiser, I see that reaction in 1983 as very accurate, and even more so today. You have been blessed with a physical energy that few possess, but also carry the cross of a psychological energy deficit that periodically slams you into a "state of stasis" in order to regain a harmonious balance. All of that is encompassed by a loving Holy Spirit and a Merciful Christ Who are overjoyed by your total and unrelenting commitment to honoring Them no matter what.
Both you and Rebekah are outstanding models in totally different ways of saying Yes through thick, thin, pain, joy, and sorrow. In other words, unlike so many today, neither of you gives in to despair. Feel it from time to time probably, but never give in to it! Only God, and your respective "yesses" to Him, can be the reason for your commitments. So many, many have been and continue to be blessed by your tenacity for Him, and I am grateful to be one of the many.
I am old now, and truly looking forward to the end of this trial and the beginning of real life on the other side! At the same time, I am increasingly and profoundly aware that while still here, every breath given still has a price. That price is Trust and Pray. Too weak and too tired to climb physical mountains, but the mountains of the mind - the real mountains - are still within my reach to conquer by seeing them for what they are and then ceding them to the Mountain King! The mountain of Pride is a lifelong trek, but like you and Rebekah, I daily take HIs Hand and ask Him for one more step toward His refreshing oasis of Humility. He always complies, quenches my thirst, and immediately shows me the next peak that has been lurking in the clouds.
OK, I am now rambling, and haven't even come close to what I want to say about your recent battle. So, will close with thanks for the ongoing blessings of knowing you both. And, of course sending my love and my prayers!
Hello dear Peter,
I read the responses you received with joy. And this morning I sat with your photo before me, laid my hands on you and asked the Lord to renew your strength for more life walk. I believe more people have done that.
God bless you and Rebekah.