Dear friends,
What beautiful letters. I felt peace just reading them. It came to me that I have never felt it necessary to explain myself to you. That is a wonderful gift. You have never made me feel you were hurt that I have never slept in the Upper Room, although I have visited it several times. I am always overtaken by the Spirit of God when I step through your front door.
I have long been aware that you and I, and my son share some similar traits. We are very sensitive to the Spirit and to the spiritual realm. We are most comfortable in our own homes, but love seeing and visiting with people... on our own terms. We feel the need to escape to our own space when things get "noisy" in our heads. We are accepted by our families but recognized as "different" by the same people. I have never been to a psychiatrist or taken a pill to balance my personality, but I am sure some might think I should have. My son however has. But he came to the point where he allowed God to handle his different nature. He now recognizes his difference as a gift and not a curse that needs to be fixed. Thank you for the gift of being my friend, mentor, priest, and spiritual father for the last 23 years.
Your daughter in Christ,
Barbara
Untame Lion
I have been in my Secret Place for quite some time, thinking about Jesus and the amazing things He has done in my life. Suddenly, in my spirit, I see a great Lion, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, standing before me. As He faces me, the Lion opens His mouth. I expect a roar, but instead He begins to sing. It seems odd for a lion to be singing, but I realize Jesus is singing over me. He is singing over my life and His song is creating something new. I cannot hear the words, but I feel the intimacy. This Lion is all-powerful, yet He humbles Himself in song. Jesus willingly exposes the softness and vulnerability of His love for me.
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NORMAL is a word invented by the devil to frustrate and confuse us.
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In my Secret Place, I rise before the Lion. I cannot bring myself to do anything but stand, with eyes closed, before my King. Time is suspended as I wait in His presence. I begin to tell Jesus I want all of Him, even the scary parts, even the parts I don’t understand, even the “untame” parts. I realize Jesus will never fit into a “safe” box. He is powerful and dangerous, yet He loves me completely. I am not afraid of the things I do not understand, and I desire every part of Him.
Jesus takes a deep breath and breathes on me. As He exhales, I hear Him say: “Receive the Holy Spirit.” In my Secret Place, I instantly drop to my knees, with my face to the ground, and tears begin to flow. The Lion lifts His right front paw and places it on my back. I experience the heavy weight of it, but it does not crush me. When Jesus removes His paw, I clearly see the imprint on my back, like a tattoo. At this moment, I know I must pick up my journal, even though I do not want to stop and write. I want desperately to stay on the floor in His presence, but I have learned to obey.
I record the vision to this point, and then I suddenly feel an invitation to ride on the Lion’s back. I climb on and lay my head on Jesus’ neck, holding on tightly. I am not afraid; I am clinging to the one I love. The Lion’s fur is soft and inviting, but I feel muscles of steel underneath. Jesus is such a paradox! He is tender and loving and kind, yet ferocious and wild at the same time. Somehow, I have the privilege of coming past the fierce parts and moving right into Jesus’ great love and kindness. I suddenly understand the absolute safety of this place. There is nothing and no one who could harm me. I remember something Graham Cooke once said. He states: “Jesus sends us out as lambs among wolves, but we are lambs who know our best friend is a lion.” We really don’t have to be afraid of anything. We can be oblivious to the danger that surrounds us and embrace life with joy and excitement, because the Lion of the Tribe of Judah is our best friend!
Jesus suddenly begins to move. He takes giant strides and I am aware of His surefootedness. There will be no stumbling on this ride. Jesus begins to run. I briefly see the ground, and then we accelerate. I begin to see us from a distance, on top of the earth, moving with blazing speed. Jesus covers the earth in a few steps, and then we suddenly launch into space. With each stride we accelerate, until the stars and planets become a blur. I feel great resolve as Jesus runs; there is nothing tentative about Him. Jesus has a destination planned, and there is no doubt we will reach it.
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This is all I get to see for now, but I am unwilling to let Jesus go. I cling to the Lion’s neck and bury my face in His mane. My heart would be satisfied if I never moved from this place, but I know we have work to do. For a few moments, Jesus lingers as He delights in my embrace. I feel His great love and pleasure as I cling to Him. Jesus loves me even more than I love Him, and He is moved by my passion. This is a strange sight I see; a mighty Lion motionless in space, stilled by a human embrace. Time seems to stand still, prolonging this moment, this embrace, this great love. I feel the motion, the momentum of what is coming, but for this instant, it must wait. Nothing that is coming can compare to one moment in Jesus’ embrace, and I will cling to Him as long as He will stay.
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This interior vision is a gift from Jesus, the Lion of Judah, via Patricia Ann, a recent visitor to the Upper Room.
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